If she could speak…

I miss you, Amma.
I miss you everyday.

Why did you leave me here and go away?

Was I not what you had expected?
Did you not like me when I was born?
Or did you see some defect in me?

Did my biological father want to give me away?
Or maybe put an end to my life, because I was a girl?

You put me away for adoption the day I was born – I forgive you.
I know you have your reasons.
And I’m sure you loved me.
I know you must.

Because I love you – albeit not knowing you,
I love you, Amma.

But I’m angry that you haven’t tried to contact me yet.

Sometimes,
I’m so angry that I start crying.
Other times,
I simply lie awake – crying and unable to stop.
It’s just beyond me, this torrent of tears.

I don’t belong here, Amma.
It’s all so strange.

These people have so many criteria for love!

Whoever needs criteria to love?
You just love. That’s all.

They are oddballs, these folks.

Why did you leave me with these strangers, Amma?
They are calling themselves my ‘parents’ now.

They aren’t really people, Amma.
One of them is a monster and the other is a ghost.

The monster scares me, Amma.
She growls at me;
She hits me;
She spites me;

The ghost is her partner.
He doesn’t do anything much
Most of the times he just stares as the monster tortures me.
But on rare occasions,
he spits out ugly & disgusting stuff.

And because they are not people,
they are not capable of listening and talking
and sharing like normal humans.

They know only the supernatural law of communication.
‘Kill it before it kills you.’

Oh, and she loves to threaten me with this game of lives, Amma.
I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve wondered –
“Should I kill it before it kills me?”

What do you think, Amma? Should I kill it?
How can I commit such a heinous crime?
How can I not, knowing that if I don’t, it will kill me first?

I don’t like living among such monsters and ghosts, Amma.

The monster and the ghost are a match made in Hell.
Because they deserve each other.

But what did I do to deserve them?
Why did you choose to punish me like this, Amma?

I’ve grown up now,
After asking too many ‘wrong’ questions
I have learnt to finally shut my mouth.

So I won’t ask you anymore of those Why questions.

But I beg of you,
Please take me away.
Please take me away to anywhere that’s normal.
Please take me away to where you are.

I promise I’ll kick the bucket hard this time.

-Awaiting your reply,
Your abandoned orphan.

 

Notes by Author: 

Amma – means ‘mom’ in a lot of different languages, specially from the South Indian region.

What I have attempted to show in this poem is the yearning of a child who doesn’t have a voice, in the figurative sense. She is a grown up woman but her inner child yearns for the motherly love that she hasn’t received at her adopted parents’ place.  

Advertisements

Careful is just another word for love

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Careful.”

When I stumbled for my first steps,
When I felt unsure on my first bike,
When I almost cried on the day of my exam,
When I had butterflies in my stomach, while talking to my first crush,
When I got my own bedroom, and was snuggling in for the first night,
When I go to the movies with my buddies,
When I drove to college on my own,
When I left home for a few months,
When I got my nose pierced,
Even when I get a bad haircut,
“Careful!!”, cried Mom.
Careful is just another word for love

Love yourself first

Love yourself

Eleanor & Park by Rainbow Rowell : A review

Eleanor & ParkEleanor & Park by Rainbow Rowell
My rating: 2 of 5 stars ⭐ ⭐
View all my reviews

I don’t remember how I stumbled upon this book, but I remember having huge expectations for it.

The first thing that comes to mind about this book is the way the tone was fluctuating between adorable and fugly/creepy. Like a sinusoidal wave.

sinewave

Eleanor and Park are pretty much normal teens who slowly discover each other and fall in love. There is a mystery about Eleanor’s back story in the beginning which was nice. To read about a Korean guy in such a setting was interesting. Park looks like his life might be perfect but there are some major flaws too. These flaws were touched upon elegantly. The initial stages of getting to know one another, the little cutsie exchanges of phone numbers and comic books were the good parts.

Continue reading

Hyper Lync !

It was 10:30 am, when I stepped into a prospective office for my first day. I was familiar with a few of them around, so I wasn’t worried too much.

I stepped in with vigor…. and

“AAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh”, I screamed. For there he was. Huge, hairy and with piercing brown eyes. It was a scare-at-first sight.

Continue reading